If the man is a good man, naturally family is going to surround him. Speak up. If they want a relationship with your ex, then they should do that outside of family functions that should include you! Finding a way to be co-parents with someone you dont like might be tough for you but it sounds like you love your children, so it should definitely be worth trying to foster. I was fine losing them since I was going to rebuild my life anyway. Ive remarried my best friend and I count my blessing each and everyday. Im now terminally ill and my ex is still trashing me to one of my kids. Why would an ex want to drive a wedge between his ex and her own family? The ex and I are publicly cordial. I cant understand how his wife goes along with this, but its always his way. Let them be happy. Thats really what it comes down to is needing the distance. Again, thank you. Recently divorced myself. I am 100% on your side. He needs to take your side instead of playing into his mother's silly games. You would be in her shoes one day and you would then understand why family loyalty is important. Maybe theres an in between for you like Ive found with my sister. I agree with you. Sadly she will probably never be able to have insight into what shes doing wrong but i wanted to reassure you that how you feel is completely normal and although you are obviously distressed are handling it in a very mature manner. The husband comes too, but it really hurts to see her there. My mother (who was also abusive to me) acts like my ex-husbands best friend (or more.) He raised my kids with me but always treated them different then the kids we had together, my ex hated my family always complained about them and talked crap about them. These two guys were never super close. These posts confirm my feelings. Hi, Carolyn: My boyfriend's mom still maintains contact with his ex. And that your family dont turn cold to the father of theirs is generarly a good thing. Is it in a group setting? It would be more worrying if he would instantly forget about her. And if it creates negativity in her life its healthy to avoid negativity in a psychological aspect. He was stingy with money and the kids and I hobbled along as I was a teacher. His behaviour basically reminds me of Stalking. Apparently.. you all dont understand what a family is. Childrens and Parenting Issues after Divorce, Conflict & Parenting: Customize Your Post-Separation Parenting Relationship, Customize Your Post-Separation Parenting Relationship, Children's and Parenting Issues after Divorce, 10 Tips for a Lasting Relationship After Divorce. As painful as that is, and believe me in some ways I understand (Im divorced), you dont want your children growing up believing Grandma and Grandpa (aunts and uncles) hate their dad. Shes not moving on, establishing new ties or a relationship with a new man and his family. All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft, Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column. It takes a hell of a lot of unhappiness and often abuse for someone to not only leave a relationship but their home etc etc. A lot of what I am reading in these posts sounds like narcissistic behavior on the part of abusers and families. Yes he can say hi, if he runs into them but that should be it. I really am. When Will Spousal Support Be a Factor in a Divorce Case? They have been broken up for over a year, and he says they no longer communicate. Wishing all of you peace. It is quite apparent that your ex is doing this because he knows it is hurting you and your family is enabling him. Unfortunately you realize no one has integrity, I have been married four 4years and on the fifth year of my marriage, another woman had a spell to take my lover away from me and my husband left me and the kids and we have suffered for 2years until i met a post where this man Robinsonbuckler (@) y ah oo . I fantasize about shooting her in the face sometimes. He hasn't yet introduced you to his family and friends 8. I am going through the same thing. Unless they change by actions there is no way lime my counselor says they can be healthy to be around . second.. your sister and mom are your kids family just as their father is. If you have a question for John, email: dearjohn@nine.com.au. Terrible. Really sad, but no choice. But that family is now also his extended family. Let me explain when someone has been playing mind games for years and especially if you have grown up in a dysfunctional family you accept that abuse due to grooming/conditioning and low expectations and also because basically because youre a good person who doesnt think for a minute your partner has an agenda. But holidays are for family, which he was not. I suggest talking to a professional about it and trying to work through some of it. Im sorry. it is not normal to keep the ex in the family even if he is a nice person. And I personally have no problem whatsoever with him or his girl. I invite him to birthdays along with his new wife and her 3 kids shes pregnant with a 4th that is his. Children suffer when parents do not make eventual peace. Smh. My family was aware my ex treated me badly at the end. I am sure that these are lovely people but my anxiety is through the roof. Not only this but you expect your ex husband to completely abandon his emotional connections he forged with your family? I am sorry but its generally not normal to favour an in law over your own child/sibling. I agree that is your family and they should support you and respect your feelings. MY family STILL invites her to family functions, and 80% of the time she comes. So suppose that he compares you to his ex, and he doesnt realize that hes hurting you? How could you ever even give to anyone anything positive until your own cup is full? We werent around family. I now want to love and be loved without interferences from my family and ex. I dont have kids with my ex, but he left me for another woman and was too much of a coward to tell me so i found out about it months later. 8) He puts her first. I AM SORRY USING THAT WORD BUT IT IS TRUE. Thats wrong. My ex was emotionally abusive and a cheat, he took all my confidence away by belittling me constantly and was domineering and controlling. I am long since remarried with kids with current spouse, but they and I have missed out on so much over the years because of what happened. But no its still happening, i believe your family should always put their own kin first and respect your feelings, i had to stay away from my own uncles funeral this week because I knew theyd be there and i just can not bear seeing them all hugging and being freinds. After my sisters divorce, her X kept calling my on/off longtime boyfriend to hangout. You deserve a supportive family and are not alone in this. My girlfriend of 3 years cant seem to get over her divorce. I was raised that there was no bond stronger than family and so of course I was crushed and totally devistated to find out that they gave him the money to take the house I paid for and the business that I had started and worked my butt off to build for 7 years. If your ex is anything like mine she will know exactly what she is doing and its plain nasty of her. My case is not near as bad as the original poster. My sister made friends with my ex on Facebook. I just want you to answer one thing, would you cut a stepchild out of your life if you had a divorce? Divorce is the unity of a marriage ripped apart. Simply let them know that you feel its disrespectful that you have divorced your ex and they continue to include him in the various family events.and that you have separated for a reason. Anonymous. The way you speak about your daughter is disrespectful. Yesvery unreasonable. My ex went to prison a year after we married for a long time and I stuck with him. Cut them all out of your life you dont need to be putting up with that crap xoxo. My ex-wife and I were married for 12 years and had no children together. They all acted like the divorce never happened. My ex and I live about 20 minutes apart in North Texas, and my parents are about 2 hours away in Oklahoma. Perhaps you should ask a different question: Why are your family so willing to spend time with your ex and not you? They have every right to continue their relationship though people are not disposable many in this world are to quick to throw someone away and no one has the right to ask another person to do that. You have no ide what its like! The end game? NHS bosses offer nurses 40-AN-HOUR to cross picket line - but STILL refuse fair pay deal insisting there's no extra money for decent rise, Nurses 'break themselves every day' as thousands stage mass strike - how it'll affect you, Expert's rule everyone should follow to avoid condensation - even with double glazing, 'Yawning silence' followed Meghan Markle's one-word review of Trooping the Colour, Family of dog walker mauled to death speak out as police continue to hold eight pets, Teen, 18, stabbed to death in front of horrified shoppers in 'brazen attack' on street, Love Island fans turn on Will Young as they spot farmer's 'huge red flag', Subscribe to Daily Mirror and Sunday Mirror newspapers. 16 years later, I regret that I supported him for so long. They just didnt get the emotional trauma I had gone through. Your family needs major counseling! His mother is a 40 year old unknown woman, and as of now theyre broken up). Good luck. She shouldnt have to ask them to stop inviting him to HER family events. I didnt expect to, they are HIS family, not mine. Gut wrenching. Unreal. Stop obsessing over it. Sorry to be rude but thats a ridiculous reply. If you wouldnt put up with poor treatment from someone you hadnt known for very long then why would you put up with it from people just because they are family. Soooo a person stays in an abusive relationship however long. Someone who has your back . Some people appear to be good because its a manipulative act. He started going around to every family who would listen Lying making his story mine and I had no idea until I got some strange comments and reactions from some of my family. Which is crazy because Ive never once told my mom how I feel about her hanging out with him. He would belittle all efforts made and made sure that I knew that everything else came before me. I just hope you can find a way to remain in contact with the little ones. 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